8 Don'ts and 1 Do, 8.17.2024

I told you in the last post why and how I ended up here: art teacher turned yoga teacher and Reiki Practitioner.  Now for the "how" I made it here, feeling better and more confident than ever? Well, I made a lot of mistakes, that's for sure ( I'll get to those below). But, in the end, I had to learn how to turn the negative into a positive. I had to look at my situation from the outside in, rather than the inside out. I had to surrender to the fact that I could only control myself and to the fact that this trauma, crisis, grief, etc. was placed before me to make me better- to learn the lesson, move on, and help others do the same.

So, to recover from a traumatic event, work through a crisis, survive a loss, etc., here are my DONT'S: (feel free to add yours in the comments, as every situation is different. People experience things differently and we are all here to help each other. These suggestions come from my own experience.  

1) Don't react . (If you must, make it a thoughtful response, not an irrational reaction.)

2) Don't vent. (If you must, vent to yourself in the mirror, or just make sure you trust the person you vent to 150%!)

3) Don't think that just reading things you see online will be all you need to pull yourself out of despair (This is what I call a pit. A pit that you can't crawl out of and honestly, sometimes don't want to crawl out of). Reading remedies, motivational quotes, affirmations, etc., can't hurt, but if you are at the point of despair (in your pit) you need much more than that. Tell someone how you are feeling and get professional help. 

4) Don't let what other people say about you cause you to feel differently about yourself. You know who you are and if you know you are a good person, a good parent, a good friend, etc., that is all you should be thinking about. When someone who is angry and resentful about something in their own life directs that negative energy onto you, it's not about you. It's about them. 

5) Don't gossip! Gossip is what led to the destruction of so many relationships I had with family members. If it isn't your story to tell, STOP talking. Have you ever seen those exercises in group trainings where one thing is said and as that message gets passed down to several people, the message ends up completely different?  It's a pretty powerful example of how a change in tone of voice, change in the order of words, change in context, forgetting one word or adding another, changes to entire message. I know, right?

6) Don't add to the negativity of the situation with more negativity- towards yourself or someone else. It's hard to be positive or turn a bad situation into something positive when you are hurting, but if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Common sense, right?

And a couple of very specific and embarrassing examples from my own personal repertoire of "don'ts".

7) Don't stay awake all night, driving around aimlessly so the "thinking" doesn't consume you. It helps nothing and then you end up exhausted, unable to work. and even less able to deal with anything in a rational manner.

8) Don't throw your cellphone against a wall when you hear or see something that triggers you. Seriously, what good does that do? It improves nothing and then you have to go get a new phone, which is, in itself, traumatizing.

Now, onto the "Do's".  There is only one. 

1) Surround yourself with people who support you, care about you, trust you and love you. Find your people! They don't have to be related. In fact, it might be better if they aren't, depending on your situation. I have a handful of people in my family who I can trust with my life, my reputation and my word. Everyone else who helped me recover were outside of my family. I had (have) co-workers who listened, mentors who offered their advice, recommendations and services and therapists who counseled. I don't know where I would be (or if I would be) if it weren't for these special people. I definitely had to step way out of my comfort zone to find them, though. So, be brave and FIND YOUR PEOPLE!

Missing the boy behind me, like crazy, every day. The two on either side of me are positioned perfectly, as they have been what has held me up for the last 8 years. 


Be Still. Be Strong Be Happy.
Be Good. Do Good.

Juli